The First Year

My advice to all new moms since I had Dylan is that the first year is hard. It is wonderful in many many ways but it will also be a very difficult time in your life. Even though it's the advice I give out, there were times over the last year that I found myself reminding me of the same advice.

Mike and I have had countless conversations in the last 12 months about how continually exhausted we were and wonder how we could continue week after week like that. Never getting enough sleep, always having more basic things that need to get done than humanly possible....balancing work, home, kids, life....having a baby suck all your time and energy makes it difficult to do much else.

There were times we felt we needed a babysitter so we had time, not to go on a date, but to do anything more than the bare basics of housework - mowing, laundry, keeping the kitchen counter clean (and by clean I mean still mostly visible and not covered with junk), etc. I don't think we ever got to a point where we paid someone for sitting for that but there were certainly a time or 2 when Mike's parents came by or we left my parents with the kids for a while when they were visiting for errands and other home projects.

As much as we tried, we never could figure out what to cut out to make life easier. Certainly not work, trips to the grocery store and things involved with caring for the children. I suppose we could have dropped the fun family activities and travel (which I felt was somewhat minimal) but that wasn't going to happen since that's what life's about.

I knew it would get easier in time but it's hard advice to really heed when you're in the thick of it with no end in sight. I repeat, no matter how wonderful it is, the first year of having a baby is hard. It just is.

Well, we made it through. And while I realize having Cade be over a year old now doesn't absolve us of all stress and difficulties in balancing life, in the last week a weight has truly been lifted. Certainly part of that has to do with a hectic few months being behind us (Oliver's death, Thanksgiving, travel, Christmas, New Years, more travel, visitors and Cade's birthday). This week was a "normal" week which we haven't had in some time. Also (and this is a big one), Cade can now have milk!

I have been very lucky to have the support I wanted\needed from family\friends\work to actually make it through breast feeding Cade for an entire year. I was very dedicated and am thrilled to have accomplished that goal. And, while I've been fine nursing Cade when I'm with him, I've been really over the pumping for a while. Nursing him also meant when I was away from him (outside of the routine of work), it always took a lot of thought\planning on what I would do during that time away. Cut to this week when he can (Dr. approved) transfer to whole milk. As of just a couple of days ago, the pump has been officially retired (hallelujah!). I don't know when I'll have time to read now (that was pump time entertainment) but that's a small problem to figure out. Over the last 3 nights, Cade has also voluntarily given up his pre bedtime feeding. Well, I just gained about an hour and a half back to my life each day! While my commitment is not completely done (still nurse him in the mornings), I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted and life just got a whole lot easier for me.

I'm thrilled about this new development in many ways but I'm also a little sad. It's a chapter in my life that is closing and some daily assured snuggle time with my baby that is coming to an end. From having done this with Dylan, I know that it won't make my bond with Cade any less strong but I can't help but have emotion override logic and experience to mourn this change just a little bit.

In any case, we made it. We survived another 1st year with a baby! Sure there are a few more gray hairs on our heads and those permanent dark circles under our eyes haven't completely disappeared, but a lot of daily exhaustion is eased a bit and we feel as if we're coming into the light. I love my kids dearly and will miss having a baby in many ways but, as of now, can't even fathom going through this again!