It's been 3 months now. On my calendar for November 2nd is "Oliver's Last Appointment." Over the last 9 years of his life, Oliver had many vet appointments and a proportionately large amount over the last year. But he will have no more.
I haven't been able to talk much about my goodbye to him for a while. It's felt very raw and fresh. I'm adjusting to the new normal at home. He was my home for so long that it still doesn't feel right without him here. I still think I see him out of the corner of my eye strutting around the house. I know we made the right decision and it was the right time to say goodbye, but that really doesn't make it easier. I think I'm ready to write about some of my feelings here.
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| My Sweet Oliver |
Not all people are pet people. I get that. But even if you're not, I'm going to try and help you understand how much the little guy means to me. On Mother's Day in April of 1996, I was taken to a litter of kittens needing homes. Oliver and I bonded instantly. I knew he was my baby. I took him at only 5 weeks old away from his mother. Probably earlier than he should have been separated from her but I didn't know that then. I was now his mom.
As a little tiny kitten, he curled up in a ball, nuzzled into my neck and slept next to me. For the next 16 and a half years, that's where he always slept - neck to my head on the bed. I pet him as I fell asleep, listened to his deep purr and smelled his fresh, almost powdery scent. When new babies were in the room crying at regular hours or, at the end, when he wasn't well enough to do his usual, his post was abandoned. But, other than those rare occasions, his presence there was a constant.
A lot happened in those 16.5 years. When I got him I was fresh off of a break up from a guy that, at the time, I thought was the love of my life. My heart was hurting badly and this adorable little kitten filled it with love again. The focus I had on loving that guy was transferred to Oliver. That love stayed there and grew immensely over the years. As a freshman in college, I knew Oliver would be with me through some big things in life. I used to talk to him about it to. When he was a baby, I told him that he would be with me through my college years, be by my side as I entered the "real world" and got my first job, would have to approve of the man I would marry and would meet and be loved by my future children. And he did. He was with me through all of that and many other things in between.
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| Me and Oliver - Both Babies |
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| Love This Pic of Young Oliver |
After college, Oliver made the cross country trip in the moving van with me from Austin to Boston. He was with me for those first tough months when I was away from all that was familiar and struggling to find a job. He rode the crazy wave of my dating life and was excited for me during the ups and comforted me during the downs. He was the only being I took with me when I moved into my first purchased home. It was just before that move that he was diagnosed with diabetes.
It was also just after that move that I realized Oliver was not good as a solo cat. All of my roommates throughout the years had had cats and this was the first time it was just me and Oliver. I would have never thought he preferred the company of other felines but it was obvious after my first week in our new condo that he was lonely. So, we added to our family and got Lucienne.
They were great siblings. They loved each other, they snuggled each other and like most siblings, they fought too.
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| Luci Loved For Oliver to Clean Her Head |
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| My Two Little Beggars |
I have a wonderful supportive family and have many great friends. But I have to be honest when I say that Oliver is the only friend\family member that never, not even once, judged me. He was just there for me to be with me and love me.
A true pal, I knew I would do whatever I needed to do to keep him healthy. After his diabetes diagnosis, I learned how to give him injections and became even more tuned into his actions and behaviors so that I could get him medical attention if something seemed off. We became even closer because of it. About a year later, I met Mike. Oliver, as many of you probably know, was not really a people person. He loved me unconditionally but was pretty much didn't trust anyone else. It took a lot of patience for him to let someone in. Mike was up for the challenging. It took a very long time, but Mike finally won Oliver over. Some might find it odd, but that was very telling for me. If Oliver approved of Mike, that meant something big and I knew Mike was pretty special too.
Just after Mike and I started dating, Oliver got seriously sick. After a long process of diagnosis, we found out he had severe pancreatitis. It was touch and go. A week after he was hospitalized, he started eating again and recovered. I almost lost my boy and knew that every second I had with him after that was a gift. Mike was my support through that tough time. He was definitely a keeper.
We were a family. Me, Oliver, Luci and Mike. And, as you know, several years later our family grew. Oliver was the first critter to greet Dylan when we brought him home from the hospital. As a senior cat, he wasn't up for the rigors of babies, but he tolerated Dylan (and later Cade) pretty well. The kids loved him.
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| Oliver Checking Out Our New Baby - Fresh From the Hospital |
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Baby Dylan with Oliver
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With our family growing by yet another kid, we moved into a house with better space for all of us. It was around this time that Oliver's condition quickly started to deteriorate. Just before moving, we took him to the vet because we were concerned he was losing weight. Oliver was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. In addition to his insulin, we added twice daily pills for that condition. Over the next few months he didn't seem to be improving or stabilizing. With a new baby in the house, I was kept pretty busy over my maternity leave with Oliver as well. Every single week there was a vet appointment (our new regular vet and a specialist as well) or a long conversation with them regarding updates and what our next step would be. There were also a lot more home monitoring in the way of medical tests (ketone strips, blood glucose tests, etc) as well as monitoring his every movement for clues.
No one could pinpoint anything that was causing his decline. Then it got worse. We added subcutaneous fluids to the at home treatments to help his kidneys which were likely in the beginning phases of failure. Oliver stopped using the litter box which was really not in line with his personality. He wasn't feeling well and he was telling us that. After many years of fighting disease - diabetes, recurrent pancreatitis, hyperthyroidism and probably kidney problems too, his tough little body was giving out. It was time.
I kind of checked out at the end and started distancing myself emotionally from him. Mike, being the one at home with him more, took over his health care and clean up while I balanced his health from dealing with the veterinary end. It really took a toll on us. With an already huge adjustment of moving, baby and back to work, adding ailing kitty care really packed on the stress. I thought I was ready to let go.
Our vet had become close to us at this point since we saw her so regularly. One of Oliver's more memorable traits (to outsiders at least) was his extreme craziness at the vet. My mellow sweet cat turned into a raving lunatic at the vet's office. Now, I know a lot of people say that but I'm pretty sure Oliver took the cake in that arena. Every vet I'd had over Oliver's life could not believe how loud he was and our current vet said he was definitely the loudest she'd ever heard. What was funny was that he would scream, spit, hiss....even poop himself....but he NEVER bit anyone.
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| In his last days, Mike took him outdoors to enjoy nature a bit. |
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| My Handsome Boy |
Knowing his personality and being the awesome person she is, our vet agreed to come to our house to put Oliver down. I took the day off work and Mike's mom came over to watch the kids. When we got the call that the vet was on her way over, we took Oliver out to say goodbye to the kids. Dylan gave him a hugged, pressed in his cheeks and said "squishy face" and "booped" his nose...both affectionate things we do to each other at our house. We held him to Luci so they could say goodbye. When the vet and her tech (who also knew Oliver well) got there we talked about what a fighter he was and that it was ok to stop fighting now. They cried with us. I held Oliver on my lap with Mike sitting next to me and we pet him and were telling him how much we loved him as he took his last breath. I told him it would be us together to the end and it was.
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| Me and My Boy on His Final Day |
There will never be another Oliver. Truly, there won't. Even though I thought I was ready, it hit me hard when he was actually gone from my life. I couldn't be in the house that weekend. It didn't seem right without him there. For weeks I couldn't even think about it without getting teary eyed and I definitely couldn't even talk about it for a while. Just when I thought I was doing better I got the call that his ashes were in and I fell apart again. It's been hard. We miss him. I miss him snuggling next to me at night. I miss the way he would rub his face on our hands. I miss his crimped-haired little head. I miss his powdery scent. I miss his wonderfully soft fur. I miss his beautiful loud purr. I miss him. But time is healing and it's getting easier every day.
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| He LOVED His Catnip |
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| Oliver Cupcake and Oliver |
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| He demanded fresh water...in a glass. Spoiled much? |
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What are you lookin' at?
Classic Oliver expression.
He had the most expressive cat face I've ever seen. |
He was one of a kind. A great friend. A true companion.
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| Vicious Yawn |
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| Loved His Little Paws |
Luci has been doing better than I suspected. She definitely hangs out with us more and tolerates the kids chasing her more which I guess shows some signs of loneliness but I honestly think she's doing great. In a way, I've kind of shut down the animal love part of me. I'm not proud to admit it but it's true. Luckily Mike's been giving Luci lots of love to make up for my lack of it. She deserves the attention. Mike's been ready to welcome another cat into our home for a while. I'm not. But I'm not sure I ever will. Part of me needing to write this now was so that I could give Oliver the public eulogy he deserves. Our family might be welcoming another cat into our home soon and Oliver needs to be honored before that happens.
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| His Favorite Sleeping Position |
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| Smoochy Guy |
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| Sweet Face |
If you've stuck with me this far, I appreciate it. This blog was really for me. To let me put my feelings about a good friend out there for the world. So, thanks for letting me do that.
And to Oliver who's up there strutting around kitty heaven - I love ya big guy! Give the vets up there a run for their money!
